&INAUDIBLE-
Thursday, March 10, 2005

life is meaningless. everything i do can never be right. my grades can never be good enough. never mind that it`s already the best effort i have put in. a foreign force unknown to me, yet so stirringly familiar, consumes me whole. it puts asides my logic. i feel like just breaking down. they expect too much. is it really possible for a normal person to just study everyday? is life really just about results? is one subject really THAT important that it cancels out all the merits i got for the rest of the papers? can she see my suffering? i bet she can`t. she doesn`t see me studying. just watching tv. she blames all e grades on gd luck. well. fcuk u.

i feel like a caged bird. haha. kindof reminds me of the choir song. 'just hear how the caged bird sing. a caged bird sings for freedom. freedom won`t u hear my call. i`ve been locked up for too long. spread my wings. i long to fly.' seriously. kindof depicts my inner turmoil. quite sad. angry at the same time that she can be so unreasonable. fine. u want results? i`ll work for it. u just let me do what i want in e meantime. what if i die now. you`d never know. i would go unhappily. seriously. my life is crap. it`d be just a big joke if i study so much. n i dun even end up taking the test, real hiliarious. heh. i feel shitified. can`t even destress. haha. it affects HER. screw her la. i shall be childish. i will study until i die la. ok? enough to satisfy u? i will be someone great. not due to u. but to me. u dun deserve the credit. if u dun push me. i`ll be MUCH more. this i can promise u. but. i will prove u wrong. u`d better not look down on me.

this sucks. it hurts. it stings. screw the world. the world`s against me. crushing me. pushing me to conform. you`ve not won yet.

LEFT A MSG @3:04 PM

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||/PAULINE-
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